Loneliness
by NightingaleLost
Summary: He was still alone when he woke up in the middle of the night, but he wasn't lonely. Ayase didn't know when it had stopped, only that...the feeling was gone.


My first Okane ga Nai fanfiction...oh God I feel so shy about posting this...me! Nightie, the greatest SP writer eva!

xDDDD kidding. Sorry for any OOC-ness, but this is my first one, so whatevz...flames are my toasters!

**Standard disclaimers apply, I don't own anything...tears, tears, tears.**

Enjoy! (And y'all know where the review button is...*hinthinthint*)

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><p>It was dark.<p>

It was dark and he was alone.

He wasn't alone, really, but the sleeping figure next to him could offer no comfort to those awake. And he was the only one so.

Ayase lay in bed silently, listening to the nothing inside of the large home. His old apartment had been lonely during the night as well, and whenever he woke up suddenly-just like tonight-he always felt a deep well of sadness barely contained in his chest.

In the beginning it was like that too.

When he first came to Kanou-san's house he felt it at night, that dark loneliness. Although now he thought it was mainly fear and self-pity. At his situation, at his misfortune, at his own weakness...

Ayase sat up, glancing over at the aforementioned man. Kanou-san slept peacefully beside him, his breath even, slow, an deep. He didn't feel that loneliness anymore. He was still alone when he woke up in the middle of the night, but he wasn't lonely. Ayase didn't know when it had stopped, only that...the feeling was gone. It wasn't as if he had achieved some sort of 'happy ending' within the confines of his debt.

He still wished he could go where he wanted without asking.

He still got nervous around kanou-san, no matter how many times he reminded himself that the older man had never intentionally hurt him.

He still wished he didn't cause so much trouble, that he wasn't so...helpless.

Ayase cast another look at Kanou-san and quietly slipped off of the bed, and out of the room. the rest of the house was silent as well as he padded into the kitchen right across the dark hallway. It was pitch-black here as well, but Ayase found the light switch out of pure familiar habit and flipped it on. The lights were bright; they blinded him but he was fine; an open cupboard, a smooth draw and he was filling a clear glass with tapwater. The metallic, almost bitter taste flooded his tastebuds but it soothed his dry throat and he yawned lightly. He downed the rest of it and gently placed the glass back into the sink, turning off the lights and making his way back to the bedroom.

Kanou-san had shifted a little in his sleep; he lay on his side now, facing Ayase as he sat on the bed again.

No, there were still things that needed fixing, but the loneliness was gone. Ayase lay his head on his drawn-up knees, watching the other sleep. It was because of this man that it was gone. This man, with his cruel tempers and quick jealousy, his fierce protectiveness and gentle touch...he was the reason.

Sometimes it felt as if money were the only thing binding them together, other times, Ayase felt it was more. Supposedly they had met before, or so Kanou-san had said. He'd said they'd met before and if Ayase could remember it, he'd waive his debt, and Ayase would be free.

He wished he could remember. After all, what did he really know about this man? Almost nothing, really...for all intents and purposes, Kanou-san was an enigma to him, one he hadn't figured out yet. If there was a memory tying them together, something that could shine a light on the tall businessman, Ayase desperately wished he could remember it.

...it meant his freedom.

Kanou-san stirred and let out a sigh, relaxing into deeper sleep. Ayase gave his sleeping form a tiny smile. He could not forget that even though he had caused so much trouble for him, Kanou-san had always come to the rescue. He'd saved his body and life multiple times and for that...he would be eternally grateful.

A small hand reached out slowly, running through the soft strands of Kanou-san's hair, so gently his fingertips didn't even graze the slumbering man's scalp. He could never dare do this innocent gesture while Kanou-san was awake, not when the other would certainly take it an invitation and take him right then and there. No, this was fine...the light touch in itself sent a resulting shiver through his own spine, and Ayase bit his lip. He was still struggling to understand the nervousness of late, how Kanou-san's mere touch did something to his heartrate, especially now that he had confessed it to the man himself in the car.

But it was too late to be focusing so hard on things and Ayase yawned again, peeking toward Kanou-san's face. He was still in deep sleep. Ayase hesitated, then lay down, scooting just a bit closer until he could hear the resting heartbeat in his ear. Again, he could never do this in the light of day, even if he just needed the reassurance of touch as he did now, to reassure himself he wasn't alone.

He looked at Kanou-san's tranquil face, and again wished he could remember.

Not just for his freedom this time.

But instead for his heart.

Ayase closed his eyes, and the sound of a soothing heartbeat chased away the silence of the house...and he wasn't alone, or lonely.


End file.
